Jealous.

Looking back, I realize I used to be a very jealous person. The way I thought of people was influenced by my desire to have things that other people had whether that be confidence, love, money…Then one day, I decided that was wack!

You can’t spread joy and have a jealous mind at the same time. What’s unfortunate, though, is you have to be extra careful about your interactions with people of the same sex.

As a woman, I know I should work twice as hard to uplift other women, but it’s not always my reflex. Consider the two types of women, other women meet when they go out: the women who come up to you and say, “you look so cute!” and mean it and then, the women who look at you, frown, and then look past you. While we can agree the latter is a hater, we don’t always try to act like the former.

But I’m here to say now, it’s worth the effort.

Now, when I see someone being awesome, I remind myself that we’re not in competition–we can all win together. I try to compliment others when I can, I smile at other women, and congratulate them when they get opportunities–even if I would have loved the same opportunity.

The best feeling is when I disarm someone whose reflex is to be on the defensive. They get this look in their eye like, “Word? We’re cool?” and I get super geeked, because I’m about to force them into friendship.

Actually, this is the best feeling–when someone you would’ve envied, challenges you to be a better person. When you look at someone and say, “Damn, they’re doing good,” but then you learn from them. And then, something else magical happens. You realize how much you have to offer yourself.