I finally watched Pulp Fiction.

I know, I know. I should be ashamed to tell anyone I went more than 25 years without watching Pulp Fiction. Will it help if I tell you I tried to watch it a couple years ago and I fell asleep? No? Didn’t think so.

I kept hearing about this movie. I knew Quentin Tarantino. I recognized that provocative cover. I just didn’t know why I had to watch it. I literally didn’t even know the plot to this damn movie. Plots.

I knew I needed to find out more about that “bad mother fucker” reference, but I was afraid. I was afraid of that feeling I got when I forced myself to watch Cruel Intentions, and then Bridget Jones’ Diary, and then Blade Runner (fight me; that movie was boring). That “wow, I guess I had to have seen it two decades ago to appreciate it” feeling. I was scared that I wouldn’t be invigorated.

I’m happy to report that all the rumors are true (if you have the stomach for it). I made a date with my TV, set aside a few hours, and buckled in for the ride of my life. “Trippy,” as Jody would say.

For your amusement and my own, I’ve compiled a list of my thoughts while watching Pulp Fiction for the first time from beginning to end.

**Spoilers beyond this point.**

1. Nobody told me this movie had Bruce Willis, Christopher Walken, and Ving Rhames on top of Uma, John, and Sammy Jack! I could’ve been known this movie was a classic.
2. Wait, is this where the Amsterdam craze started? I wondered how potheads found out about that.
3. I love Tarantino films. Between this random-ass dialogue, these cutthroat scenes, and random time jumps, I’m feelin’ it.
4. John Travolta was right about foot massages. They definitely mean something.
5. “This is a tasty burger!” I can’t wait for my next opportunity to toss that into a regular conversation.
6. I’m super tickled that the subtitles (and script, I presume) really called that dude “Flock of Seagulls.” I later googled the full rationale behind that name and it made it less funny.
7. “I’m sorry, did I break your concentration?” This is quintessential Sammy Jack, and I wouldn’t mind hearing this phrase in his voice every day for the rest of my life.
8. Did the black kid die? Awww, he didn’t have to do him like that!
9. More great stuff: “My name is Paul, and this shit’s between y’all.” When Paul was out, I knew Mia was trouble. (Is there a final verdict as to whether Mia’s responsible for that dude’s speech impediment?)
10. I appreciated every random conversation in this movie. When John said catching the dude keying his car might’ve been worth getting his car keyed, I felt that.
11. I was so distraught when Mia made a rectangle instead of a square. But I also loved the effects. Tarantino doesn’t follow the rules, he makes the rules.
12. I wasn’t under the influence of anything while watching this movie, but I still d i e d laughing when Mia told that Fox Force Five joke. (If you haven’t seen the movie, but you read this far because you live for spoilers, comment and I’ll tell you the joke. But I fear it’s been built up too much.)
13. While pondering the fact Butch’s father kept that watch up his ass for several years after it had already been up another man’s ass for even more years, I realized how significant things up peoples’ asses was that whole section of the movie. Brilliant.
14. Is this why dudes don’t trust females? Because they forget to pack the watch? Either way, Butch handled that like a G. Men, take notes.
15. Whew, I’m so glad Sammy didn’t die.

I think I’ll watch Inglourious Basterds next. What do y’all think of that one?