Introspection: A Note to Self

Do. Not. Self-destruct.

People are dangerous. They hurt you, unregrettably, irrevocably, and incessantly. I can’t tell you whether to forgive or defend yourself, but for now I am content with you doing whatever necessary to ease the pain.

Pushing people away helps. And I haven’t seen anything yet in life that says it is a mistake to do so. I’m sorry if you expected life to be more blissfully full of love and fulfillment.

Turns out, living with your mother is the best thing that ever happened to you, while love is the worst.
You’ve effectively remained closest to the only human being you can trust completely, while you’ve learned an important lesson. Trust no one else.

Disappointment is your greatest fear. And I get it, you’re tired of being let down. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, take this as an opportunity. An opportunity to distance yourself from people who are toxic to you and furthermore to become a stronger, wiser woman.

I like this new you that you’re becoming. It’s frightening how much you’re starting to resemble your mother now. She may not have many friends, but she can depend on herself. I’ve always feared becoming cold like her but I get that, too. I get why she doesn’t care to waste time on people who have less than her best interests of mine. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know yet she spends her time alone aside from the people she can’t remove herself from. I have a couple people like that, that I can’t let go of, but many more that I have to and haven’t been strong enough to let go of yet.

When you think of life, let it all fall to bits. Forget the facebook friends and twitter followers, forget the people who pretend to love you, forget the people who think of you as a discount, forget the frustration brought on at work, and how tired you feel fighting to forget the people you loved who could never love you back.

Focus on leaving your mark. That novel you want to make. That movie you want to engineer. That song you want a ridiculous songstress to eternalize. Focus on you. And if you’re lucky a couple of those fairy tales could fall in your lap.

Still, expect nothing from anyone but yourself. And don’t forget to pray.