sabrina

you know my name, but you’ll forget my face
there’s something special about me
yet you’re incapable of seeing it, while you…
you fill every breath i breathe
you’re with me when i wake, when good happens, and when i’m
chasing away the bad
everyone can see it
how i long for you while you long for her
how i’d embarrass myself to catch a glimpse of you
and pinch myself for spying more than i intended
but i wish you well
maybe i should run away

i’ll go somewhere exotic and beautiful
where no one knows me and i’ll be forced to learn something other than the curves of your face
maybe i’ll take up cooking or photography
and i’ll knead and fold away images of you
knead and fold, knead and fold
and i’ll perform surgery on myself
as if cutting my hair, flicking my lashes, and adjusting my walk will fix me
as if it will change the way i feel about you
it won’t
i hope that another man will
but he won’t either

i’ll come home eventually
virtual unrecognizable
you’ll see my beauty, my charm, but not the woman who is still, after all this time, in love with you
we’ll carry on and laugh as if i’m carefree
that’s the mask i’m wearing these days
but if you listened hard enough, you’d hear my heart beating in my chest
fast when we’d dance
faster when we’d part
and slow, slow when i felt myself wishing i could take her place

maybe i’m not meant for you after all
because even though you see the best in me
my smile, my intelligence, my wit
it isn’t love
if it was love, you’d fight for me
there’d be no question
because you couldn’t imagine life without me
or me with anyone else
so i think i’ll just run again
but this time i won’t come back
that’s as close as i’ll get to letting go
maybe it’s destined
a loveless life, that is,
for a girl named Sabrina.